I know that when you read this, you will be extremely angry. Please understand, I didn’t mean to look through your things or invade your privacy, I promise, but lately, I’ve been very worried about my best friend.
You see, she looks like she’s lost herself; every time we are together, her eyes mist over and she begins to space out. One minute she’s laughing with me, and the next she looks like the world has been ripped apart under her feet. When we are with our friends, she holds onto my arm as if I was her only anchor in the face of this calamity. It’s not like I mind, but she isn’t the girl I befriended long ago. She’s changed; become this frightened, sensitive little thing that looks… how should I say this? She looks like a fragile vase, ready to fall apart under a single crack. My best friend might not be the pluckiest person on Earth, but she’s never been a coward, either.
C’mon, Anisah, what happened to you?
You talk about futility, but what are you on about? I still dream of flying high. I still remember the constellations we drew among the stars, but now I have found a better place to look for them. The stars, the real ones, the ones I can reach, are in your eyes, whenever you laugh or even when you cry. They are in the eyes of everyone I have ever loved, and it will always be so.
You say Allah (S.W.T) created us without wings, but that’s only because humans are His best creation; they don’t need wings to fly. They fly in ways no other creation can: with wings of love and life and hope. And when we find our wings, Anisah, I promise you, we’ll fly together.
You worry about your place in my world, but love is a funny thing: the more you give, the more your capacity for it grows. It isn’t a resource, Anisah, no one runs out of it from loving too many people.
And you worry about our balance, but need I remind you, that only the constant swing of the pendulum makes the time move forward? No seesaw ever stays balanced forever and humans were created to forget and make mistakes. It’s how we grow and learn. Everyone slips up from time to time, and the seesaw tips heavily to one side, but it’s not forever, Anisah.
You’re so frightened of the thought that I might not need you as much as you need me. Let me correct you there: I don’t need you, I want you. There is a difference. I don’t need you to survive, but I want you around me anyway. Do you see? I don’t keep you with me because you are something essential I need, but because I want to see you smile after you have won a debate, tear up like a baby at all the sad parts in movies, become so serious in our weekly Islamic classes, call me up in the early hours of the morning because you fought with your brother over something ridiculous and want someone to rant to. I want you around so you can scream like a banshee when I receive a prize, cry with me over the sad news on TV and comfort me when I feel alone. You are my best friend Anisah, and there is no question about it. Never was.
All those things you believe about yourself are just ‘waswas’. Do you remember what Ms. Radhiyah told us last class? Whisperings of the devil to turn you away from guidance. It doesn’t always have to mean disobeying Allah (S.W.T). It could mean the things he whispers into your heart that bring down your self-worth and make you feel abandoned and lost. He wants you to be so busy thinking about how you feel our friendship cracking that you forget how grateful you are to Allah for everything you do have. Don’t let him do that, Anisah. Don’t let him take away my best friend.
I love you to the heavens and back, Anisah. May our friendship be forever.
Image source: Starry sky
All credit for image goes to the original photographers.